groan

stolen from Captain Cisco at http://www.terranbbs.net/

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The lightbulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (lightbulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (lightbulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1. The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (lightbulb) and rotate the party of the second part (lightbulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (lightbulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (lightbulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (lightbulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (lightbulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (lightbulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (lightbulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New lightbulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non- negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".

more househunting

in other news, we're making another offer on another house... high end of our price range, but very, VERY good condition, excellent location, has pretty much everything we need, although a bit small. Has a carport. Has a covered terrace as well as a deck. Has an above-ground swimming pool, which we don't need. The family was home while we looked at it, and we spoke directly to them - usually a real-estate no-no, but in this case, we felt like before making an offer, we might just as well discuss what the disadvantages of our contingency would be, and ask whether there was even a faint chance they could live with that - why do all the paperwork if they said no?

Thursday I drove up to my sister Steph's house, just north of Philadelphia. It's about a 2-hour drive from here, not counting stopping for gas and other liquid issues. Tolls are $9 each way. Mitigating the toll cost is the fact that the car got nearly 30 mpg on the highway, instead of the 24 it had more usually been getting lately. I didn't take the bike - a small street bike with no windshield or faring, not ideally equipped for travelling on the interstate at 70-80 mph to begin with, and especially not on roads I had never been on before, so I had no foreknowledge of their state of repair or disrepair, ongoing construction, or other material road quality issues.

Anyway, I carried some yarn and needles up there, to expand my niece Hanna and nephew Ian's knitting repertoire. Even Julie, who is almost 5, was somewhat interested. (Brenna is 2, and must be diligently kept AWAY from other people's yarn and needles...) Ian is actually more into weaving than knitting now, and as it happens I do that also (I own a couple of rigid heddle looms, and two tabletop 4-harness looms, one of them an antique) so next time I go up there, I may bring along some of my weaving. I was able to help him out with a couple of questions about warp thread. Meanwhile, for Hanna, I went over the basics of pattern reading, refresher course on doing the purl stitch, and then how to do ribbing. We did some initial discussions of calculating changes in gauge and how to determine how much to cast on for making hats without a pattern. She picks stuff up fairly quickly. Steph is expecting another in December; if we have a house before Thanksgiving, I'd tentatively like to do Thanksgiving at our place, so she doesn't have to do all that work. We'll see. With so many people now in this area, family holidays could get crowded! My folks have had a nibble at their house in Maine, so they may well be down here in Delaware by winter, if the nibble turns into a bite.

Newest niece, Anika, born to my brother J and his wife B, in Oakland, CA. Cute, from the pictures. Have crocheted hat finished, must go finish more stuff. (That's niece/nephew number 34, for those who are counting!)

memery gacked from leiacat

( which city are you? )

Can't say I'm too surprised; although I'm living nearest Wash DC of the cities this test has a choice of, Portland probably fits better, in terms of the way he asked the questions, with my "I don't care, I'll stay in and read" attitude to a lot of things. Let's be clear though - so far I love the Baltimore area, all 8 weeks that we've been here, and I expect to continue to find this a great place to be.

And then,
( what kind of intuition? )

One would strongly have to suspect that those weird -0- answers on the comparison to others my age and gender is strongly due to the fact that there aren't THAT many people over 50 doing the LJ thing and wandering around meme quizzes. So, my guess is that I'm the first person over 50 to take this particular test. It should be no surprise to anyone that I still haven't learned to act my age. (In fact, it's gonna come as a shock to most of my newer acquaintances up here that I am over 50...)